After being an only child for nearly 2 years, bringing a sibling into the mix is a LOT to take in! It definitely shocks a little tot's routine. Liam will be two next week, so at 23 months he didn't grasp that there was really a baby in my belly. Once in a while he would lift up my shirt to see my belly, and even give it a little kiss, but the whole baby idea was definitely not clicking with him. That being said, there were a few things that helped a ton to make the transition as easy as possible for our sweet boy!
1. Have Daddy hold the new baby at the hospital when the toddler arrives. Momma's arms will be free for hugging her first baby. For Liam, it was super important that he could see his Mommy first without the jealousy of having another baby in her arms. I tried my best to talk directly to him as an individual first before showing him the baby. When it came time to met his new sister he sat on Daddy's lap with the baby. We asked him to show us little things "do you see your baby's little toes?" and he would happily point. He lost interest in her quickly, but it was definitely an easy going meeting. We tried not to pressure him when it came to the baby, and he was definitely more interested in unplugging all the important plugs at the hospital. Ha!
2. Have gifts ready from the baby to the new sibling. When we arrived back home after having the baby, we brought a brand new Buzz Lightyear talking doll and Mickey Mouse figurines for Liam from his new sister. He was super excited, and it helped distract him from all the crazy. The toys don't have to be expensive! Just get something that would be an exciting little treat.
3. Have someone (if possible!) at the house to spend time with the new sibling or holding the baby so they have one-on-one time. For us, this was my mom. Liam LOVES his grandparents so having my momma there to spend time on him (or hold the baby so Joe or I could) was invaluable. It helped the adjustment immensely.
4. Read lots of books prior to the new little one's arrival. We found a couple Big Brother books on amazon that were great for our little guy. We read them for months before her arrival and always made it a point to call him the BIG brother. One of our favorite was I Am a Big Brother
. This was the one Liam always came back to and loved to read again. When she arrived, I saw him doing the things he remembered from the book. He brought me diapers, he helped say "shhhhh" while she slept. It was a great book for young toddlers to grasp.5. Go at your child's own pace. We didn't force Liam to do anything he wasn't ready to do. We didn't make him hold the baby for pictures (even though I totally wanted to!) and we didn't force him to interact with her. After a couple days he was begging to hold her and would even give her kisses! He LOVES his baby now.
6. It's an extremely easy time to lose your temper, so keep a close eye on your own attitude during this time. I know my toddler became SUPER sensitive during these first few weeks, so I had to be super aware of my tone of voice and reactions to misbehavior.
7. Most importantly, give grace. Give grace to your toddler, and give grace to yourself. Emily Ley has an incredible quote that I absolutely love: I will hold myself to a standard of GRACE not perfection. These first few weeks can be tough. It's an adjustment for everyone in the house. Toddlers wear their emotions on their sleeves. They may show this in acting out or becoming incredibly emotional. Give grace in these times. Don't beat yourself up in your less-than-pretty moments. You'll have lots of them, and lots of crazy postpartum hormones are not going to help. Do your best, and forgive yourself when things don't go so well.
As a parent, don't let it bring you down if your child isn't as excited as you would have hoped! They will adjust, and time is the best fix. Just keep an encouraging attitude and try to be positive with them. It's a huge change to bring a new baby in your home. Give yourself some slack, and enjoy these moments. Chances are you are doing a lot better job than you give yourself credit for.
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